I’ve got a theory about the word “perfect.” Most people believe you’re a little crazy if you think you can have a perfect life, a perfect marriage or perfect kids. On the other hand, perfection becomes serious business when it comes to Christmas! Somehow, a perfect holiday has made the list of realistic possibilities! This is unfortunate, of course, because it leads to tons of disappointment, exhaustion, and holiday blues.

Lets face it. The holidays are tough on a lot of people. They’re certainly tough on dieters, who face the temptations of cookies, pies, chocolate, and more. They’re tough on singles. They’re tough on recovering alcoholics, who face the temptations of spiked eggnog, hot mulled cider, holiday toasts, and brandy soaked fruitcake. They’re tough on people with no family or friends nearby when all the holiday messages portray “togetherness” as the essence of a normal holiday celebration.

Whether during the holidays or other times, why do we seek such perfection in the first place? Some therapists believe that perfectionism raises its ugly head when we have deep emotional longings that we can’t quite define and don’t know how to satisfy. Things are always easier to control than feelings, so when we’re not sure what to do with our feelings, we often turn our attention to things. We begin to assume that if all the details are perfect, we will feel perfectly happy, even though when we stop to think about it, we know otherwise.

We also come to believe that “we just have to get over the Christmas holidays” and then we’ll be able to relax. Right? Wrong! Perfectionists can never relax. There is always Valentine’s Day just around the corner. That means, of course, that you’ll have to find the ONE perfect present that signifies how much you care about your loved one/s. You get the picture. Perfectionism is a run on a never-ending treadmill.

So, lets all re-evaluate our holiday expectations right now. Before the season starts in earnest, do yourself a favor and give some serious thought to what really makes Christmas meaningful. Here are some suggestions for letting go of the pressure to be perfect. If you “get real,” you’ll be able to create events you’ll enjoy and to experience memories you’ll treasure.

1. Find a different vision for your holiday than perfection. Maybe you want a homey Christmas or a spiritual one. This is more doable than a perfect Christmas.

2. Look at your holiday from the point of view of an outsider. Would “perfect” be the measuring stick you would use in assessing how successful your holidays were? I doubt it. Instead, you might consider whether you spent time with the people you love; found time for a few naps; got to listen to your favorite Christmas music; played on the floor with a child; etc.

3. If you’re expecting guests, remember this key observation: When the hosts are focused on achieving perfection, the guests will probably feel stiff and uncomfortable. You won’t be able to create a relaxed atmosphere if your sights are set on perfection.

By now, you get the idea. If you think back to some of your most memorable moments in life, you’ll probably recall that they were the unexpected things that still stand out. For instance, the stories you’ll tell time and time again will not be about how the turkey was perfectly browned at Thanksgiving or how the wedding flowers were as fresh as Springtime. Instead, the memories will be about unplanned events, like the time the squirrel got stuck in the chimney on Christmas Eve and the children though Santa was arriving early, so they scampered off to bed before dark. Beloved family stories usually circle around spontaneous happenings by people who are present in the “here and now.” If you’re too busy trying to make everything perfect, you won’t even notice those precious unplanned moments when they occur.

Impossible standards create stress for the holidays. You’ll be praying for everything to be over if you fall into the trap of creating a perfect holiday. If you’re a diehard perfectionist who can’t help yourself, you may have to relinquish control of all holiday plans. Assign yourself to the role of assistant, letting others do the planning and keeping your mouth closed. Then experience the unusual joys of a less than perfect holiday.