Life is a lot easier when we have clear rules and expectations. I remember kindergarten with fondness. The rules were simple and clear like “share, take a nap, don’t hit, listen to the teacher, etc.” These guidelines acted like well-built fences. They kept us within acceptable boundaries so we didn’t get hurt, hurt others, or get into trouble. The rules were usually listed on a bulletin board in simple to remember words and pictures.

When we know the rules in a particular situation, we know what we can and cannot do. Rules create a climate in which we can relax. Most of the time, when I talk about rules and expectations, people think I’m referring to children. Actually, I’m referring to all human beings, regardless of age. We all benefit from rules.

As a kid, many of us thought we couldn’t wait to grow up and become an adult. We imagined, “When I’m older, I won’t have to follow someone else’s rules.” Unfortunately, we were largely mistaken, although we probably have greater leeway for making personal choices as an adult in some arenas of our life. We’re all faced with rules, procedures, expectations, and such at our work, in our place of worship, at sports activities, by our government, etc. The rules are designed to serve both the individual and the collective community of people. Rules that are fair and helpful tend to strike a balance between the rights of the individual and the needs of the community.

So far, I’ve mentioned rules that are set by other people, institutions, or organizations. What I really want to focus our attention on is rules we set for ourselves. How many people have personal rules? As an adult, you might refer to these rules as a “code of personal conduct,” “self-expectations,” “personal ethics,” etc. Rather than escape from the tyranny of rules, I want to encourage you to embrace some personal rules to help make your life happier and run more smoothly.

Most people are basically good people who want to do the right things. We don’t feel right when we behave badly. We want to fix things, repair damaged relationships and make amends whenever possible. But, we all know, apologizing can be difficult and it takes enormous courage to admit our mistakes. Actually, we’d be better off if we tried to prevent bad behavior or unkind words before they happened, rather than rely on apologizing.

If you have a personal star to aim for, a set of rules can help you hit the target. I imagine you want to feel successful, self-confident, happy, and loved. One way to reach your goal is to know what to do and then practice. That’s why I’ve developed a set of rules you can PRACTICE.

SIMPLE RULES FOR HEALTHY ADULT BEHAVIOR:

An easy way to remember these eight rules is the word PRACTICE:

	Choose to be Positive in your thinking and your behavior. Expect the best of yourself and other people. Be a “positive fortune teller!” Engage in positive self-talk to create a more positive mood and create a positive self-fulfilling prophecy.
	Take Responsibility for what you say and do. We’re all in charge of ourselves and must be fully responsible for the choices we make. Blaming others is unproductive, creates hard feelings, etc.
	Ask for help. Problems can’t be addressed when we pretend we know all the answers or refuse to ask for help. We don’t grow intellectually or emotionally when we can’t ask for help or rely on others.
	Control yourself; not others. Stop trying to control or boss other people and focus on self-control. This is the only real control we each have.
	Treat others and yourself with respect and consideration, even when you don’t feel like it. You’ll feel better when you do good things and treat others nicely. Use the Golden Rule on a daily basis.
	Initiate. Be proactive in your life. Don’t wait for opportunities. Create them.
	Clean up your own mess (make amends whenever possible). This involves accepting responsibility and appropriate consequences for our actions.
	Exhibit self-control.

If you think these rules might improve your life, feel free to adapt them as your own. Whether we consciously choose rules to live by or not, we are ultimately responsible for the way we’ve lived our lives. Without some kind of consciously constructed fence, we might wander to far from our acceptable area of functioning before we even realize how far we’ve strayed! Fences provide security and need to be periodically checked for holes. A hole is simply a violation of your own code of conduct and can be repaired with a renewed commitment on your part to do better next time.