Dr. Blume's Article of the Month

HOW WOMEN DEVELOP A SENSE OF SELF
by Ginger E. Blume, Ph.D.

Our identity is first as a human being, second as a male
or female. In our culture, our core identity has become
virtually synonymous with our gender identity. Women
must struggle to overcome the cultural training they've
received and the negative attitudes that society has
historically directed toward them. This article will explore
the enormous devaluing experiences that women have
experienced and how they can establish a more positive and
competent identity. Of course, this process cannot be
accomplished alone. It will require both a conscious and
willful personal effort, plus support from a multitude of
others.

In large, women haven't been able to completely
separate or individuate from their mothers. This is
partially due to the observation that women rarely feel
"they come from a place of choice." They must stay put.
They must not venture out. This awareness of lack of
entitlement is both conscious and subconscious; both covert
and subtle.

Everyone's role in society is intimately tied to one's
gender. One's role is also tied to the concept of personal
status. To understand self-esteem, we must understand the
nature of the role and status of women in our culture, to
date. Since identity becomes inseparable from one's role
assigned by society, we need only look to the role of
women to realize that her role is one of inferiority.
The change process begins as women explore their
family scripting. They were probably assigned a role of
nurturer, dependency, emotionality or another devaluing
trait. The assigned role is almost never associated with
words that imply competency, such as independence,
leadership, assertiveness, and so forth. These roles become
internalized and women begin to blame themselves for their
lack of confidence. They come to hate their inadequacy as
if it were their entire fault. This form of guilt I call "false
guilt". It has nothing to do with true guilt, which is
associated with doing something wrong or bad. It is an
assumed guilt for the nature of collective woman.
In addition to negative family scripting is societal scripting.
Together, these messages manage to hold a women's self-
esteem down. Societal scripting, or socialization, is rooted
in both our social and political condition. To release
women from their self-blame, women must examine the
socialization process that has plagued them with low selfesteem.
We are socialized through various social institutions.
Perhaps, the key institution (in addition to the family) is our
educational system. Researchers have shown that females
are subtly devalued in the classroom and encouraged to be
quiet, tend to be ignored and under challenged compared to
their male classmates. Teachers who engage in this
behavior are rarely conscious of their role in the
devaluation process. Since 85% of elementary teachers are
female, they too, have been socialized at a deep,
unconscious level and hence, pass on the sexist learning’s.
Other institutions, including medical, religious,
government, etc. continue to oppress women through male
dominance. Respect and dignity are typically reserved for
men.

Women must also come to realize that their sense of self
was organized around being able to maintain,
relationships and the nurturance of others. Hence, when
they engage in behaviors that could possibly disrupt these
connections (i.e. saying "No," asserting one's differences,
etc.) they enter into an emotional area of extreme anxiety.
In the book, Toward a New Psychology of Women, J.B.
Miller defines this anxiety, as akin to loosing one's self.
Women have been socialized to sacrifice large parts of
themselves to meet their affiliation needs and obligations.
A woman's personal growth is stymied when she comes to
believe she is doing something wrong if it isn't for someone
else's benefit. To do for herself raises false guilt that stops
her dead in her tracks. By focusing on other's needs, she
looses her own inner barometer. Without a barometer, one
has no sense of self.