Dr. Blume's Article of the Month

MID-LIFE CRISIS: IS IT AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY FOR THE SEXES?
 

by  Dr. Ginger E. Blume

The Chinese word for "crisis" is formed by two symbols, one on top of the other: danger and opportunity. I believe this unique combination of opposites is a helpful way to understand how the male and female mid-life crisis might differ. Historically, a mid-life crisis has been primarily associated with men in their mid to late 40ies going through personal turmoil associated with fear and anxiety about growing older.

According to Elaine Wethington, Cornell sociologist, a midlife crisis is not a male only experience. In fact, her research shows that both men and women are equally likely to believe they’ve experienced a midlife crisis. However, Dr. Wethington also states that a midlife crisis is not inevitable as we age, and is therefore, not a universal experience.

Why do some people have a midlife crisis and others do not? The MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Midlife Development has said that midlife is “the least charted territory in human development.” Maybe this is because midlife is a less than glamorous territory in adult development. Experientially, in my private practice, I’ve observed two categories of people who tended to avoid a midlife crisis. One group of people, were those rare individuals who, for the first half of their lives, felt they had truly fulfilled many of their dreams. They felt as if they were living their life purpose and felt complete. The second group of people were those who were not very psychologically introspective and who tended to live in the present moment. Perhaps, lacking a yearning for more (i.e. of time, life experiences, etc.), this latter group headed more easily into their senior years.

Midlife Crisis: Men and Women Differ

Let’s turn our attention to how men and women might differ in their transition through the mid life years. We’ve all seen the sad example of a man who is balding, putting on weight, successful at his job, but beginning to feel pushed aside by more aggressive, younger men moving up the ranks, alienated from his wife with whom he rarely spends quality time, etc. As the realities of aging begin to dawn on men in their early 50ies, they often make a mad dash to grab all the gusto life has to offer that they fear they may have missed or might miss if they don’t hurry up and have more fun. In short, much of the male mid-life crisis is driven by fear: fear of aging, fear of illness, fear of death, etc. This fear is symbolized by the “danger side" of the Chinese symbol for crisis.

A mid-life crisis for most women is not necessarily prompted by fears that strike at the core of the male experience. Rather, the female’s mid-life crisis may be triggered more often by an "opportunity" to finally focus on self. As she nears her mid forties, she usually has an opening (i.e. a window to finally walk through so she can explore her inner longings/needs/wants). This window is often provided by the ending of her job raising children, the emptying of the nest, perhaps financial security established over the years, etc. In some ways, a women’s key role as a caretaker oftentimes delays her “search for meaning.” Hence, in contrast to men, the “opportunity side” of the Chinese symbol for crisis may be the driver for many women’s’ mid-life crises.

An Additional Layer to a Woman’s Mid-life Crisis

As women step through this window of opportunity to finally focus on themselves, they are simultaneously confronted with the biological changes of menopause. These changes add an additional layer to the female’s mid-life crisis (i.e. insomnia, hot flashes, memory loss, poor concentration, mood swings, etc.). Women are suddenly confronted with foreign territory to explore, both biologically and psychologically. As a result, this can be overwhelming, especially if other women do not validate the experience.

A Cornell study on stress levels of people age 45 or older, showed that women reported more stress than their male counterparts. Other researchers, such as Sapolsky, have pointed out that women experience more “crossover” stressors than men. These stressors result from simultaneous demands of work and family. While stress is not the same as a mid-life crisis, it certainly is one aspect and might suggest that women are catching up to men in going through extreme personal turmoil during this life stage.

Possible Midlife Stages

For both genders, the mid-life crisis is not an event, but a process that occurs over several years. The stages are probably similar to other stages people go through when attempting to understand and manage a major life loss, such as a divorce or death of a loved one. I suspect the Mid-Life Stages might appear something like this:

Also, both men and women's experience of their mid-life crisis is affected by whether the changes they are experiencing are by choice or by chance. For instance, if the change is by choice, we all tend to cope better because of the sense that we have some control over what is happening. If the change is by circumstance/chance (i.e. an unwanted divorce, the death of a spouse, a serious illness, etc.), then processing the crisis will be more difficult. In short, the change we initiate versus the change that feels forced upon us, is psychologically easier to cope with.

Finally, the Chinese symbol for crisis also points out the truism that every crisis contains within it both the potential for a positive, as well as a negative outcome. Many people who transition effectively through this period in their life actually profit from the experience by constructing new meaning and life purpose in the second half of their life.